I Can't Forget
by unannehmlichkeiten
Summary: Shinji rents a room with the mysterious old man, Gendou. When the young beauty Rei also moves in and Shinji hears noises coming from her room, he becomes suspicious. Inspired by Poe's "The Tell Tale Heart". AU, in that the characters start as strangers.


I, Shinji Ikari, traveling scholar, found myself alone in a foreign land. The wind blew through the leafless trees as snow began to fall. Walking through the unfamiliar paths, I felt a chill come over me, until such time as I began to shiver physically. Wrapping my cloak tighter around me did little to stay my shaking frame as I persevered through the night.

Off in the distance, I saw a low-glowing light. On approach, I found it to be a small candle in the window of a wooden house. I knocked frantically at the door, and was eventually answered by a stern figure in the flickering doorframe. His harsh face looked down through glasses at my pathetic form.

"Sir, I could really use a place to stay. Just for a few nights?"

The man looked down at me again, but stepped to the side to allow me passage inside.

"You can stay here for a few nights if you like."

"Thank you, sir."

"What is your name?"

"Shinji, sir."

"My name is Gendou, and you are welcome to this guest room over here."

I was ushered into a small room in the back of the house, and spent the night there. In the morning, Gendou had a small breakfast prepared for us: a biscuit and one small egg, hardboiled. I ate it thankfully, trying to strike up conversation with the man, but nothing much came of it. I began to grow annoyed with the man; even though he had given me shelter, he was being so cold. Every day I would go out, walking to the local library to study, then returning to the same uncomfortable situation every night.

After only a few days, another tenant moved in with Gendou. A young girl, about my age, entered one cold night as I had. She was a real beauty; I took every moment in Gendou's home with my eyes locked on her. I learned from some conversation that her name was Ayanami Rei. A curious pattern emerged throughout our stay, though. Every night, Rei would begin to look fearful just before we all went to bed, and every morning she would rise later than us, moving stiffly and as if sore.

"Rei," I asked her one morning at breakfast, "are you feeling alright?"

Rei looked over to Gendou first, and then to me, saying, "It's nothing."

I immediately became suspicious of my host, and began to investigate as best I could. One night, I snuck out of my room, creeping over to the other side of the hall. I pressed my ear to the door, and heard Rei's voice whimpering quietly yet audibly. She gave one last squeal, and began to slowly groan as her bedsprings creaked from her finally relaxed weight. I suddenly envisioned Gendou leaving the room, and snuck quickly back into my own room. I had heard noises, which was not proof enough to confirm my fears, but surely enough to kindle them.

My fear became anger as Gendou and Rei became increasingly entwined to my eye. Whenever I talked to Rei, she would look to Gendou before responding. Every night, her noises became louder and more intense. Eventually, I made up my mind: that old lech Gendou was not going to abuse Rei any more. In the dead of night, I snuck into the old man's room, armed with a dagger that a man outside the library had sold me.

The door did not creak as I opened it, for I took several minutes to make even the slight crack I needed to slip inside. The room was pitch black, but I could hear the old man's heavy snoring. It disgusted me, to hear him sleeping heavily, recovering from his lewd act an hour before. I approached, and drew my blade. Suddenly, as if to direct my strike, the clouds parted and moonlight shone in through the small windows, illuminating the man's face. The moonlight reminded me of Rei, and it enraged me to see it touching Gendou's face. I raised the blade, and let it plunge down into his chest through his blanket. He cried out, but I did not cover his mouth; I was too disgusted to touch him. I waited for the breathing to stop, and pulled the blanket around him, and took him out into the night.

I had already dug a pit, and threw the body in. I buried the body with nearby dirt, and covered it with fresh snow from the drifts around the site. I came back inside, and went back to bed. In the morning, Rei and I ate breakfast with higher spirits than usual; she was pleasantly surprised to notice my cooking instead of Gendou's spartan accommodations. We talked, and it was nice to have her respond without looking to the old man first.

My day was spent with Rei instead of with my books; a nice change from my usual monotony. That night, however, my ears were assaulted by the same whimpers as I had heard before killing the old man. I rushed into the room, fearing that somehow I had left the deed undone and the old man had returned to wreak his madness again.

I burst through the door, to find Ayanami Rei, mostly undressed, writhing on top of her bed in pain. I came closer, and asked her what was wrong.

"Rei! What's come over you?"

"It's…the pain is back…"

"What? But Gendou is gone! How is he still hurting you?"

"He…never touched me, Shinji."

I sat by her side that night, holding her hand until she finally fell asleep. When she woke up the next morning, I had breakfast ready for us.

"Shinji, why do you think Gendou was hurting me?"

"I heard you whimpering in your room, then I heard Gendou's door closing once you became quiet again. In the morning, you were sore."

"I have had bad pains in my stomach every night for several weeks now, but Gendou would come to my room every night to give me medicine. I think he was able to suppress the virus for the most part; last night was so much better than before."

"I see."

"Where has he gone, Shinji?"

"He told me that his work was taking him to another county, and that we were to look after his house until he returned."

We lived together in that house, growing closer with time. Days were spent together, mostly huddled close by the fire for warmth, learning more about each other. I wanted desperately to get closer to her, especially during the nights, but those were troubled times for me. Nights were filled with dreams of the old man's face, and hallucinations of his snoring as I had heard the night I killed him. Even some evenings, as we would say good night to each other, I would hear the springs on his bed creak. Everything welled up inside me, and I had to reveal the secret to someone.

One morning, Rei and I ate breakfast together when I finally gave way to my paranoia. I dropped my fork with a clang as Rei looked up and noticed my pained expression.

"Shinji, is there something wrong? I'm sorry, my cooking is not quite as good as yours."

"It's not that… Rei, Gendou isn't coming back!"

"What? He has decided to stay in his present home?"

"He's not in another county, Rei. He's dead!"

"What?"

"I thought he was abusing you, so I killed him to keep you safe! I'm sorry."

"Shinji, it is not my business to judge you based on your rash suspicions."

"You're not mad?"

"He was an odd old man."

"But I killed him!"

"Then turn yourself in, if you feel so wrongly."

"They wouldn't believe me!"

"Why not?"

"His body has decayed! There's no proof! But I'm still haunted by his memory!"

"I cannot judge you, Shinji. And the law cannot prosecute you. You have confessed your actions, and therefore alleviated your guilt."

"What can I do now?"

"You are floundering, still uncertain about whether or not your deeds are forgiven. You need to latch on to something."

"But what?"

"Someone who loves you unconditionally," she said, reaching out and taking hold of my shaking frame. We stayed up by the fire that night, embracing each other tightly until only embers remained. As the glow faded and only moonlight remained, Rei buried my head in her chest; her heartbeat's steady tempo lulled my eyes slowly shut until I drifted off to a peaceful sleep for the first time in weeks.


End file.
